Neurophysiology and Love
Every human interaction changes the brain structure and function of the
participants. A female rat is interested in sex 10 hours every 4 days when her
brain is flooded with dopamine which activates, among other things, a sexual
response modulator protein, DARPP-32. The female rat generates her sexual
receptivity on her own and becomes flirtatious. She approaches a male rat, bites
his ear to get his attention and then turns around, raises her tail and arches
her back, ready for intercourse. Her behavior has a big impact on the male rat
and he drops whatever he was doing to oblige her. Sexual interest, proclivity,
receptivity and expressions are all regulated by brain systems and hormones that
interact in a complex manner. All animal behavior has an inner process connected
to an outer form.
As we understand inner processes better, we understand how profound
biological processes are in determining human behavior. Powerful procedures
inside generate behaviors that act on the outside and behavior generates
powerful feedback that modifies and regulates the inside. Every experience
changes the brain of the person having the experience.
Obviously, causal, brief encounters leave behind minimal and
transient changes in the brain. Work relationships and friendships result in
more permanent and important brain changes. Love affairs, intimate and family
relationships are built on profound changes in the brain of each of the
participants.
In a practical sense, all meaningful and lasting relationships require neural networks
that are specifically tuned to intimate humans and new
neural networks grow to accommodate the specific features of each new intimate
person.
We speak of relationships growing, evolving and maturing. Falling in love and
falling out of love are disruptive transitions because major changes in neural
patterning are required in both directions. Some long-established changes in
brain patterning cannot be reversed. The person who was a lover is gone forever,
transformed into a married person. The married person persists even years after
the divorce. Learned behaviors and memories fade over time, but do not disappear
completely.
Humans cannot invent their sexual behavior out of ideas and learned
preferences. Humans express their sexuality invented within and are vulnerable
to the vagaries of their environment which contains potent chemical regulators –
both natural and unnatural – of their sexuality.
Humans, like most animals are multisensory creatures and gather information
about any new person in a variety of ways. Important determinants are hidden
from consciousness and involve airborne chemicals, for example - smells that we
are aware of and pheromones that we are not aware of.
Visual information is important and much of the crucial processing of visual
information is done before a visual image is conscious. Your visual person
processor determines how attractive a person is and lets you know if you are
interested or not. There is no conscious process that can replace or alter this
spontaneous evaluation. Your hormones are already being pumped from critical
areas in your brain before you have a chance to admire in any detail the visual
image. Similarly you may dislike someone right away or dismiss him or her as
"not my type" if you get the wrong signals.
If you are unlucky, the wrong chemicals changed your sexual circuitry in
utero and you have difficulty adapting your sexual preferences to a social
environment. You may also continue ingest or inhale the wrong chemicals that
scramble the delicate pulse and rhythms of natural controllers, leaving your
sexual interests and rhythms in a dysfunctional state.
- The book, I and Thou, focuses on intimate relationships. Innate tendencies are hard at
work when people meet, become lovers and end with arguments and fighting. The
same tendencies determine how family members interact and explain why so many
families are “dysfunctional.” When lovers form an enduring pair bond, they often
become parents and everything changes. Humans seek bonding with others and are
distressed when they become isolated. Humans bond to each other in several ways.
The most enduring bonds are kin-related, based on closely shared genes. The
deepest bonding occurs when mother and infant are together continuously from
birth and mother breast-feeds the infant. Bonds among family members are the
most enduring. Bonds to friends, lovers and spouses are the next most
significant. Bonds to colleagues, neighbors and even strangers that are admired
from a distance are next. Friendships are often temporary bonds, based on the
need to affiliate with others for protection, social status, feeding, sex and
fun.
- I and Thou is available in a print and an eBook edition for
download. 199 Pages.
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I and Thou eBook
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